Salesman of the year

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Most of America 's populace think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, iPod, etc.

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.

Sincerely,
Your Friend





I think this will work with grandchildren, nieces, and nephews as well.

Sunday Quotes

"The world is run by tired men and women"

"If you hear any strange squeaks from my voice, it is something like reverse puberty"

Biblical history from a five-year old: "Pharaoh stoned Jesus and then hung him on the cross"

Alaskan Bear Hunting

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a "Save the Whales" hat, and a "To Hell with Bush" T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican oil field workers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp Then using long clubs, the three oil field workers finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he told them. "I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican oil field workers and Democratic Environmental activists but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."
As the Pope drove off, one of the oilmen asked his buddies "Who was that guy?"
"It was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom."

"Well," the oilman said, "he may have access to all wisdom but he sure doesn't know anything about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Illinois and get another one?"

Laugh for your election day

Can you hear me now?

A friend sent this to me today...you have to watch the whole thing!

Campus Chaos Challenge #2: Completed

Beer Drinkers Beware

Are you a Democrat, Republican, or a Southern Republican?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

Question:
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do???

Democrat's Answer:

That's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Can we pass a law to help people in his situation?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does PETA think?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the gun out of his

hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it???

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what sort of message does this send to society and my chidren?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content to just wound me?

If I were to grab his knees an hold on, could my family get away while he kills me?

Should I call 911?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weeding day to make this street happier and healthier so it would discourage this behavior.

This is all so confusing!!! I need to debate this with a few friends and my psychiatrist for a few days and come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

…..BANG!

Southern Republican's Answer:

….BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click…(sounds of reloading)

….BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter:

Nice grouping Daddy!!! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips???

Interesting signs

Sign in a Realtor's office: "Lots for little."

Sign in a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."

Sign in a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."

Sign in a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

Sign on the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."

Sign in a bookstore: "We treat you write."

Sign in an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

Sign on an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."

Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."

Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

Sign at a hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."